Rev. Akasha Lonsdale

Rev. Akasha Lonsdale, Interfaith Minister and Celebrant

Welcome to the thoughts, reflections and insights of an Interfaith Minister and Celebrant.  I don’t know how you landed  on this page but I hope you find postings and links that touch your heart, make you think and uplift your spirits.


 

How to Have a Great Relationship – Top 5 Tips

Well today is St. Valentine’s and love is in the air for many couples.  A romantic dinner, cards, chocolates and maybe even a proposal or two taking place.  Heartwarming stuff.  But as we know relationships are ongoing and they take working at.  I am always amazed at how amazed my clients are that you have to work at a relationship “but we’re married or living together, isn’t that enough?”  Well, no…actually it isn’t.

So my gift to you on this special day are 5 of my Top Tips on how to have a great relationship.  The video adds to what I have written below so be sure to watch it.

Top Tip 1.  Communicate
Sounds easy?  Actually it’s a minefield of interpretation, misinterpretation and reinterpretation.  So the key is one small magic word which I’ve revealed in the Video.  Watch it Now!

Top Tip 2.  Listen
Most times people are listening and hearing according to their own frame of reference.  It’s like having personal ear filters which only allow through what a) either we want to hear or b) what fits with our world.  In relationship this can be the quickest “kiss-of-death” so learning to really listen is vital.  If you don’t understand what someone is saying, ask them to explain again “I’m sorry I didn’t really get that – can you explain it more (expand on it, say it again..etc)”

Top Tip 3.  Be Generous
Occasionally just do something for your partner because you love them.  So what if you don’t want to see the film they really want to see or go to the match they keep dropping hints about – just do it!  Not all the time but if it really matters to them, it’s worth being unselfish occasionally.  BUT….the key here is ….do it with good grace. If you are going to be resentful or moody – best not do it at all.

Top Tip 4.  Take time for each other
With busy lives it’s easy to  forget to spend quality time with each other which can end in drifting apart or leading almost separate lives.  It’s why St. Valentine’s day is such a great opportunity to focus on each other – and reaffirm why you’re together.

Top Tip 5.  Keep Breathing!
Yes, you did read right.  The correct breathing described in the video is essential for staying calm and connected when the relationship seas get a bit choppy.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Strength from Adversity

Pink Breast Cancer Awareness RibbonI never cease to be amazed and humbled by the stories I read of people who turn adversity into strength.  Today I was reading a heartwarming story of six year old Lola who was carefully and lovingly cutting her mother’s hair before it fell out from the side effects of chemotherapy.   Her mother, Sara Etchells had decided to make a video of the occasion so that she might explain in more detail later to her daughter, but when friends saw it they were very moved and suggested that it could be used positively in some way.  It was therefore decided to put it on You Tube and a justgiving page was created to raise money for a selection of cancer charities.  I have just watched the You Tube posting and it moved me to tears.  Such love and tenderness between mother and daughter as well as laughter.  I hope you find it as beautiful and inspiring as I did.  I also felt very grateful.  This is the link for You Tube Sara and Lola – a special moment  and this is the link for donations: www.justgiving.com/teams/Saralola

 

 

 

Shopping with an Old Bag

Fold-away Shopping BagThere is now a strong move by the EU to ban the provision to customers of plastic bags at the checkout. This is nothing new.  The campaign has been in place for several years  and many major supermarkets have invested heavily  in encouraging customers to buy bags for life, but gradually as the recession has taken hold I have noticed that apart from one exception, bags are provided in the same way as before.  In fact as I was reading the article about this I was having a coffee  in a supermarket and watching the huge numbers of plastic bags being used by consumers.  The argument is that a ban would further cause a problem to suffering retailers (for whom I have a lot of empathy) because shoppers wouldn’t make those impulse buys.

How hard is it though to remember to take shopping bags?  Most people drive a car – put them in the car.  If you have a handbag, carry a small fold up shopping bag in it, believe me it doesn’t take up much space.  I don’t know about other countries but in France if you don’t take your own bags, you pay to buy one – and quite right too because most shoppers make sure they don’t forget their own reusable bags.   Surely as consumers and occupants of this planet where our environment and wildlife are seriously affected by discarded plastic, particularly bags, we need to start taking some personal responsibility and not keep on expecting to have everything provided.

The Lost Village of Imber

St.Giles Church, Imber, WiltshireA number of years ago I watched a documentary about the tiny village of Imber that sits in the middle of Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire, UK.   No-one has lived there since the military requisitioned it in 1943 and used it as a training ground for American soldiers in readiness for the D-Day landings in WW11.  It was meant to be given back to the villagers after the war as many families had been there for generations.  It never happened and there were plans in the 1960’s to dismantle the main church St.Giles and reconstruct it elsewhere.  Fortunately, a group of people gathered to protest at this ……and they won.

So today after receiving a last minute email from Ruth Underwood the daughter of Austin who spearheaded the campaign, my husband John and I went to St. Giles to take part in the 10th Annual Interfaith Peace Vigil.  Usually the road to Imber is closed to the public but they open it at certain times of the year so that villagers and visitors can return.  We met a man whose family had lived in the village for generations and he had come to visit a family grave.   Most of the village was demolished or fell down, and shell houses built for use in combat training.  It is a strange place but the church was buzzing with people interested to know more and look around.

The peace vigil was a small gathering of about ten people and two young children who quietly occupied themselves colouring.   Small candles were lit,  song was sung and readings on peace were randomly selected from a variety of books provided.  At the end I read a Native American Peace Prayer:

O Great Spirit of our Ancestors, I raise my pipe to you;
To your messengers in the four winds, and
To Mother Earth who provides for your children.
Give us the wisdom to teach our children to love, to respect, and to be kind to each other, so that they may grow with peace in mind.
Let us learn to share all good things that you provide for us on this Earth.

And in writing this post I give thanks for the likes of Ruth’s father, Austin, whose actions generated a movement that allowed us to be in Imber today enjoying the beauty of the ancient village church that remains.

Happy 2012 and May Peace Prevail on Earth.


The photo of St. Giles is courtesy of http://www.imberchurch.org.uk/ and The Friends of St.Giles Church

The Origin of the Christmas Cracker!

Tom Smith crackersI was at a Christmas meal yesterday and pulled the customary cracker to produce a paper hat, small gift and joke.  I also pulled out The History of Tom Smith and as I always love knowing the story behind tradition, I thought I would share it with you.  This is what it said.

“It was on a trip to Paris, in 1840 that an adventurous and forward thinking Tom Smith discovered the ‘bon bon’ sugared almond, wrapped in a twist of tissue paper.  Seven years later this simple idea evolved into the Christmas Cracker.

By placing a small love motto in the tissue paper he created enormous interest in this product, especially at Christmas and it was during a search for inspiration to achieve even greater sales that he casually threw a log on the fire.  The crackle sound, made by the burning log, gave him the idea that would eventually lead to the crackers we know and love today.  After a great deal of hard work and experimentation he came up with a cracking mechanism that created a ‘pop’ as the ‘bon bon’ wrapping was broken.  This eventually became the snap and the cracker was born.

Over the next few years his idea evolved and grew and he moved from his original premises in Clerkenwell, East London, to Finsbury Square, in the City.  His sons, Tom, Walter and Henry took over the business when he died and later a drinking fountain was erected in Finsbury Square, by Walter, in memory of his mother and to commemorate the life of the man who invented the Christmas Cracker.

It was Walter who introduced the paper hats and he toured the world to find new and unusual ideas for the gifts.

The company was very aware of current affairs and crackers were created for the Suffragettes, War Heroes, Charlie Chaplin, The Coronation and many other great occasions.  Exclusive crackers were also made for the Royal Family and still are to this day.”

Happy Christmas…………….


Xmas Simplicity

Garden SnowEverywhere there is talk of doom, gloom and recession with the retail industry fearing that this might be the worst year ever for sales. Many parents are stressing out because they don’t know how they can meet the demands or expectations from children for presents that can match, compete with or better what their peers have without getting into more debt.  But should they buy into this subtle pressure or perhaps guide their children to be content with less?

I am mindful of the last verse of my favourite 19th century Christmas carol “In the bleak midwinter” by Christina Rossetti.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;

If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

Perhaps we need to change our focus, because all over the world including in the UK, people are living in poverty.  Maybe it would be better to focus on being grateful for what we do have.   If you have a roof over your head, food on the table and some money in your pocket – you are doing much better than thousands of others.

Maybe now as a New Year approaches is the ideal opportunity to review how money is spent and what makes us really happy.  A time to truly think more about giving from our hearts and to include those less fortunate, rather than be anxious that the usual level of spending isn’t possible.  I’m not suggesting we go back to just putting an orange and some nuts in a Christmas stocking – but sometimes less is definitely more and a small gift given from the heart is worth far more than one which has just had money thrown at it.

Hear one of my favourite artists, Annie Lennox, sing this carol.


The Upside of Recession

Terraced houses in BelfastIn the middle of a recession that in the UK is predicted to worsen, it might seem very difficult to consider that there could actually be an upside – but I believe there is.

I was watching a program last night on Channel4 about the scandal of houses that have been left empty now for up to twenty years in some cases.   In many cases they are good quality Victorian two up, two downs that were emptied with a view to demolition and replacement with houses considered to be more suitable for family needs today.  However, because of the downturn in the building trade some years before this current decline and reducing funding for local councils, they have remained empty and boarded up, despite the UK suffering one of the greatest housing shortages since WW2.   These houses cover an area the equivalent size of the city of Leeds – which is pretty big and cost taxpayers £millions per year just to keep empty.

Given how homelessness is also growing daily it is a national scandal but now a number of key players are working very hard to change the situation, not only by getting a local council on board but by actually renovating and modernising some of the properties to prove that they can indeed be more than fit for habitation in the 21st Century.

I don’t think that this would have caused such an outrage and been such a powerful driver for action if it weren’t for the recession and the pressure to find more housing.  Times of crisis push us to think again about what is possible – a bit like the wartime spirit of “make do and mend”.   So this definitely feels like the upside of recession.   The added bonus is that if these houses can be renovated and lived in again, a sense of community might also return to the areas.  Another bonus could be that developers will stop circling round our Green Belt like hungry vulchers – and we might even end up keeping some of our “green and pleasant land” for a bit longer!

If you feel strongly about this campaign then you can read more here and join the 62 thousand plus people who have already signed the petition.

The photo is courtesy of Jeanne Boleyn.  All the houses have now been renovated.

Who says Class is Dead?

John Bercow's Coat-of-ArmsThis is the new coat-of-arms for John Bercow, Speaker for the House of Commons.  Along with previous speakers dating back to Sir Thomas More in 1253, a new portrait which remains the property of the government, was also commissioned.  Criticism has been levelled at these purchases because of the state of the economy and concerns about public spending but also because of their content.

However, I wonder if there isn’t more than a hint of snobbery aligned with the comments because John Bercow is the son of a North London cab driver and instead of attending one of the major public schools, he went to a comprehensive, and latterly gained a First Class Honours Degree from the University of Essex.   As the Right Honourable John Bercow, MP, he has been Speaker of the House of Commons since June 2009.

Despite being called tacky and tasteless in certain circles, I like the broad representations of his coat-of-arms.  The ladder shows his rise from humble beginnings; the golden balls (or roundels) his link with professional tennis and the scimitars from the County of Essex where he was at University.  Then interspersing his motto are small pink triangles which represent his championing of LGBT rights (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender). The Flag of Equality is represented by the rainbow curls on either side and then of course is the motto itself:  All Are Equal.

Personally anyone who promotes the concept of equality gets my vote, and whilst I am aware that he has courted controversy over his years in politics his achievements have clearly been based on hard work and his own abilities.   Given that the role of Speaker is one of the cornerstones of our democracy with an ancient lineage, I think this merits both a portrait and a coat-of-arms.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude

Purple IrisHappy Thanksgiving to my American friends and colleagues for whom today is a National Holiday usually spent enjoying a turkey meal with family  and giving thanks for their abundance.

The origins of this annual celebration has links with the Pilgrims who arrived from England on the Mayflower in the 17th Century and whilst originally a Christian tradition related to the harvest (Harvest Festival in the UK) it is now more a symbol of what America means to the millions of immigrants for whom the US is home.   For obvious reasons this day is not particularly popular with the Native Peoples.

However if we turn our attention to gratitude itself, perhaps this is a good habit to get into on a daily basis as well.  With so much recession, depression and gloom around the world it is easy to forget the simpler things in life that so many of us have available without thought – like fresh air to breath, clean water at the turn of a tap and freedom of expression.

Personally I give thanks each morning that I’ve woken up to live another day because where there is life, there is hope – and none of us ever knows what is just around the corner.   I like the old wisdom “Count your Blessings” and certainly giving thanks for everything you have rather than focusing on what is missing or what you’d like, is ultimately going to be far better for your overall health and well-being.

 ”In the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”  Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Ethnicity vs Criminality

I was reading in The Times newspaper earlier today how actions against groups of British Pakistani men who target young white girls for sexual exploitation are often delayed because of the fear of giving offence to ethnic communities, and perhaps inflaming racial unrest.

Personally I think that this is totally unacceptable because there needs to be a distinction made between ethnicity and law breaking.  Within the predominantly Muslim communities, there is a huge sense of shame and outrage about this sub-culture of crime.  It is the antithesis of what Islam teaches and is to do with criminality rather than ethnicity.  Certainly there may be some misguided belief amongst those with criminal intent that young white girls are easy prey, but that is absolutely not the view of the majority of decent, law abiding Muslim communities.

In fact this is the point, the people perpetrating these crimes are the minority but there is always the danger that everyone from that culture becomes “tarred with the same brush”.  It’s a bit like saying that everyone who goes to a football match is a hooligan out to cause trouble.  Yes, there may well be some with that intent but again they are in the minority and most football fans just want to enjoy the game.

The other point is that it is up to individuals or communities as to whether they take offence.   Where there is deliberate intent to be insulting or demeaning to those of a different ethnicity, sexuality, religion – whatever that be, then it is understandable that those targeted might be offended.  However, if everyone is ostensibly treading on eggshells for fear they might say something that could be interpreted as offensive, then I think it does more harm than good.

And in the case of gangs of men, or women for that matter, who deliberately target vulnerable youngsters whether that be for sex, drugs or any other illegal activity, then they should be found, charged and dealt with according to the law.  Ethnicity should not be the deciding factor – criminality should.