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Thanksgiving and Gratitude

November 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Purple IrisHappy Thanksgiving to my American friends and colleagues for whom today is a National Holiday usually spent enjoying a turkey meal with family  and giving thanks for their abundance.

The origins of this annual celebration has links with the Pilgrims who arrived from England on the Mayflower in the 17th Century and whilst originally a Christian tradition related to the harvest (Harvest Festival in the UK) it is now more a symbol of what America means to the millions of immigrants for whom the US is home.   For obvious reasons this day is not particularly popular with the Native Peoples.

However if we turn our attention to gratitude itself, perhaps this is a good habit to get into on a daily basis as well.  With so much recession, depression and gloom around the world it is easy to forget the simpler things in life that so many of us have available without thought – like fresh air to breath, clean water at the turn of a tap and freedom of expression.

Personally I give thanks each morning that I’ve woken up to live another day because where there is life, there is hope – and none of us ever knows what is just around the corner.   I like the old wisdom “Count your Blessings” and certainly giving thanks for everything you have rather than focusing on what is missing or what you’d like, is ultimately going to be far better for your overall health and well-being.

 ”In the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”  Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

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Ethnicity vs Criminality

November 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I was reading in The Times newspaper earlier today how actions against groups of British Pakistani men who target young white girls for sexual exploitation are often delayed because of the fear of giving offence to ethnic communities, and perhaps inflaming racial unrest.

Personally I think that this is totally unacceptable because there needs to be a distinction made between ethnicity and law breaking.  Within the predominantly Muslim communities, there is a huge sense of shame and outrage about this sub-culture of crime.  It is the antithesis of what Islam teaches and is to do with criminality rather than ethnicity.  Certainly there may be some misguided belief amongst those with criminal intent that young white girls are easy prey, but that is absolutely not the view of the majority of decent, law abiding Muslim communities.

In fact this is the point, the people perpetrating these crimes are the minority but there is always the danger that everyone from that culture becomes “tarred with the same brush”.  It’s a bit like saying that everyone who goes to a football match is a hooligan out to cause trouble.  Yes, there may well be some with that intent but again they are in the minority and most football fans just want to enjoy the game.

The other point is that it is up to individuals or communities as to whether they take offence.   Where there is deliberate intent to be insulting or demeaning to those of a different ethnicity, sexuality, religion – whatever that be, then it is understandable that those targeted might be offended.  However, if everyone is ostensibly treading on eggshells for fear they might say something that could be interpreted as offensive, then I think it does more harm than good.

And in the case of gangs of men, or women for that matter, who deliberately target vulnerable youngsters whether that be for sex, drugs or any other illegal activity, then they should be found, charged and dealt with according to the law.  Ethnicity should not be the deciding factor – criminality should.

Filed Under: Moral values Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Religion, Humanity or Justice?

November 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

ONE SPIRIT INTERFAITH FOUNDATIONThis week is National Inter Faith week with a theme of “Living Well Together in Britain Today”.  Along with this some questions have been posed and this was one that a colleague of mine from a local Multi Faith group posted: “How can people of religious beliefs and non-religious beliefs engage constructively on issues of common concern and work for greater mutual understanding?  This was my response.

It seems to me if we put more emphasis on core human values (which are also the core values of most faiths) ie love, forgiveness, generosity, mutual support, caring, truth, transparency, kindness, compassion etc, then there would be far greater harmony.

I know a number of agnostics and atheists who are truly wonderful people working for the good of others because they believe in the fundamental goodness of humankind. I also know a number of faith followers who could do with taking a leaf out of their book. I believe that what matters the most is whether you are a decent human being committed to helping others, rather than whether you are a person of faith.

Religion can be a tremendous force for good when the core values are lived but it can also be a destructive force when they aren’t. If we continue to look within and connect with the Universal Source (by whatever name) then we are anchored in this love and more able to embody the human values outlined above.

I was then asked “….but what about justice?”  Well justice is an interesting area because what one person might consider to be justice, another might not.  It is therefore subject to a lot of interpretation and misinterpretation.  A bit like the old sayings “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” or “One person’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter”.

Clearly there are some huge and glaring injustices in the world, usually seeming to involve money, land, resources or power, but I still think we need to always be very careful before we take the moral high ground and adopt a right/wrong stance.

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No-one will know your Secret….!

November 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Whilst I was driving home recently I passed a vehicle with a contraption on the side that looked rather like a submarine periscope.  It was facing forwards towards the road and I wondered if it was for taking photos.

This reminded me of a very different gadget that I saw advertised recently which looks just like a Bluetooth headset.  The only difference being that it is designed to pick up sounds and voices up to 15 metres away.  Now whilst it was extolling the virtues of use in theatres and meetings etc, there was also the inference that you could eavesdrop other people’s conversations, hence no-one knowing your secret.

So you could be sitting in a restaurant or coffee shop without even realising that your conversation could be heard, which if you didn’t want it to be (the recent incident of a French and American President comes to mind) could be very embarrassing.  However, a positive spin on this would be to take the opportunity to think about the words that do come out of your mouth.  Are you someone who is always commenting negatively about others or being judgemental about how they look, walk, talk etc.  If so, now might be the time to apply the old adage of “if you can’t say something good about someone, say nothing”.   Not only is it a good discipline to practice but it won’t really matter then whether some nosy parker is using a remote listening device or not!

 

 

Filed Under: Self-Awareness Tagged With: , ,

The Mind-Body link

November 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As a psychotherapist of the past 30 years I am always really interested in the mind-body relationship and although I know there will be some readers who will raise their eyebrows about what I’m going to say, I am a firm believer in the link between the two.

I recently heard that that Artem Chigvintsev, one of the professional dancers of Strictly Come Dancing has injured his lumbar spine badly enough that he can no longer dance with his current celebrity partner Holly Valance.   Despite the circumstances, I imagine that this could be a great relief to his life partner, Kara Tointon with whom he won the trophy last year, because it seems that she has been suffering from “green-eyed monster” syndrome (not a technical term) which reportedly has put a considerable strain on their relationship which resulted in a short spell apart.

So it could seem that the strain on the relationship has now become an injury to his back and subconsciously, what better way could there be for Artem to gracefully albeit painfully, get out of a difficult situation.   This way no-one loses face – Artem has a valid reason for not continuing to dance with Holly, Kara can shift her focus to providing TLC and sympathy, and Holly Valance can breathe a sigh of relief that’s she’s not the unwitting third side of a relationship triangle.   Just to repeat, I’m not suggesting that this was a conscious decision by Artem, these things usually aren’t, I’m just saying “Isn’t that interesting”.

Of course what a pity the situation arose in the first place and that the totally gorgeous Kara Tointon seems to have such low self-esteem that led her to fear that Artem’s head could easily be turned by another woman.  Perhaps this might prompt her to seek some relationship and self-esteem coaching, so that they can move on positively for their future together.  In the meantime, here’s wishing Artem a good and full recovery.

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Good old Escapism

November 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Here in the UK the last in the current series of Downton Abbey has now aired and for many, the Christmas special and a third series next year will be eagerly awaited.  For ITV1 this has been the most popular series in the past ten years and has seen a 21% increase in viewers since its first outing last year.

The program essentially follows the lives of the aristocratic owners of Downton Abbey and their servants.  A variation on the other popular series Upstairs, Downstairs that first aired in the 1970’s.  In a way this was more understandable as we were closer to the Edwardian era then.  However, this is now 2011 and we supposedly have more gender, cultural and social equality.

So why on earth have 11.8 million viewers been glued to their screens on Sunday evenings?   Maybe it’s the various on/off relationships or the great one-liners delivered by the fabulous Maggie Smith, but could it be that there is a secret hankering for the days when it seemed there was more structure and life appeared to be slower and more gentile.  An age when people felt they knew their place and there were more “jobs for life”.

Or perhaps as we hover on the brink of a double dip recession with fewer jobs, more cutbacks and redundancies, it’s just good old escapism – an hour or so to disappear into the highs and lows of the lives of others before returning to the reality of our own!

 

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Songs in our Souls

November 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Commemoration candlesIn the Christian calendar, today is All Soul’s Day which is when family members who have died are remembered and honoured.  In the Roman Catholic church this is marked as the Commemoration of the Faithful Departed when candles are lit and special prayers said for the souls of the departed to be free of sin and received into heaven.  In Mexico this day is known as El Dia de los Muertos “The Day of the Dead”, when ancestors are welcomed into the home to be acknowledged as part of the family.  Many people choose this day to visit cemeteries and lay fresh flowers on the graves of loved ones.

Whatever the custom, culture or belief,  I think it is lovely to have a special day to remember those who have passed and I particularly like these beautiful words I came across recently ”Memories of loved ones are like songs in our souls”.   I shall certainly be lighting some candles and spending quiet time remembering friends and family who are no longer part of the physical realm.

More information about the rituals, history, festivals and holy days of the major world faiths can be found in “Do I Kneel or Do I Bow:? What you need to know when attending Religious occasions” by Akasha Lonsdale

 

 

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Hate no-one, Love all

November 1, 2011 By Leave a Comment

After a 4am start on Sunday morning to guest with Aled Jones on his BBC Radio2 Good Morning Sunday show, I decided to take another “memory lane” walk around my home city, London.

This time I headed to Trafalgar Square via Soho where I had shopped every week for groceries as a young girl, and on the way I passed the Edith Cavell monument which bears the words “Patriotism is not enough, I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone”.  I recalled that she was a nurse but couldn’t remember her story so I looked it up.  She was indeed an English nurse living in Belgium who during the First World War was responsible, with help from others, for the safe escape of English, French and Belgian soldiers.

Eventually she was arrested, tried for treason and sentenced to execution by firing squad.  On the eve of her execution, before receiving Holy Communion from an English priest who had compassionately been brought to her by the German pastor, her sentiments were that “patriotism is not the highest thing, and that one should hate no-one, but love all”.

As Armistice Day and Remembrance Sunday approaches and wars continue, these are powerful words to contemplate but very hard to take on board for those who have lost friends and family in conflict or live with the seriously injured.    Edith Cavell, who was probably also an Intelligence spy, was a deeply patriotic woman but in her final hours her focus rested on the awareness that to love all and hate no-one was far more powerful.  Almost a century later I believe there is still so much to be learned from this sentiment.

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The Brick

October 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A friend of mine in the Royal British Legion sent me this and I thought that it was too good to keep to myself.

“A young, successful  executive was travelling down a neighbourhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared.  Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door!  He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.  Very angry, he jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car and shouted “What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.. Why  did you do it?”

The young boy was apologetic. “Please, mister….please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do,” he pleaded. “I threw the brick because no one else would stop…”  With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. ‘It’s my brother” he said “he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.” Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, “Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.”

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.  He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.  A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.  “Thank you and may God bless you” the grateful child said to the stranger.  Too shaken up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home…

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept it there to remind him of this message: ‘Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!’

 

 

 

Filed Under: Self-Awareness Tagged With: , , , , ,

What’s in a Name?

October 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Well as someone who changed hers from a birth name meaning “puritanical self-punishment” to a given spiritual name meaning “eternal wisdom” (work in progress I always say!) quite a lot.   And so it would seem for the 285 girls in the Indian state of Maharashtra, who all changed their names from Nakusha meaning “unwanted” (because their parents wanted a boy) to one of their choice.  “Ashmita” which is Hindi for “very tough” was chosen by one young woman and no doubt she will need to be as she grows up in an environment where women are frequently considered a burden rather than an asset.  However, it’s a positive step and whilst I don’t consider myself a feminist I do champion equality, so may there be many more along the path of freedom for oppressed women everywhere.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-15414796

Filed Under: Social Conscience Tagged With: ,
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